Understanding Complementarian Women: Against Angry Feminist Rhetoric

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There’s quite the egalitarian outcry against Always Learning‘s Facebook posts, particularly this one. I’m equally appalled by the Facebook posts and the vicious and/or ignorant ad hominem attacks against the author. Even some of the more tempered rebuttals failed to understand the extreme complementarian position the author takes.

This ignorance frustrates me to no end, because angry feminist rhetoric is probably the biggest reason complementarians refuse to consider any alternative interpretations of Scripture or ways of viewing the world. In my days as a stay-at-home daughter blogger, I don’t recall ever getting constructive, reasoned comments rebutting my patriarchal views (with one big exception — and she ended up uprooting my patriarchal views, God bless her). My only experience with non-complementarians was a message board dedicated to tearing apart conservative Christians — me included.

I get the anger. These Facebook posts and these beliefs in general anger me. I get the bizarreness of these beliefs — even though, as an ex-complementarian who once promoted these beliefs, my incredulity is overlaid with horror and grief at my own ignorance and false teaching.

But I’m not angry because somebody’s wrong on the internet. I’m angry because people buy into these oppressive, Biblically illiterate teachings and suffer because of it — and some egalitarians are leaving unhelpful comments, at best, and inflammatory turn-offs at worst.

Consider this interchange:

Our family has recently started this journey, where my husband is our provider & I stay at home. I am also learning to submit to his decisions regarding our family. This is not easy people. Not by a long shot. I have my own battles, I still get angry, just the other night we had a discussion about a family topic, husband flat out said no & for me to be submitting, I had to accept that. Yes I was angry, yes it hurt & yes I had a cry about it. Does it stop me loving him, or doing what I do every single day? No. I think the reason why being a stay-at-home wife isn’t looked upon favourably is because society has taken it’s value away & it isn’t seen as being worthy of our attention. I feel like a champion when my home is beautiful, the washing is done & I have enough time to sit down & do some of my hobbies before the kids get home & I have our afternoon routine to start. Why would I want to change that for an office, wearing someone else’s uniform, answering endless telephones, obnoxious customers and snarky colleagues……….

Crying over big decisions she was not allowed to make, her husband flat out telling her “No” and, “Be submissive to me”? Not okay by any stretch of the imagination. This is a prime example of complementarianism gone very, very wrong — a dangerous position for a woman’s soul and potentially her emotional and physical safety, depending on the husband.

The Christian egalitarian community had a great opportunity to affirm her desire to be a stay-at-home mom and homemaker who submits to her husband while pointing her to a healthier mindset of mutual submission and respect, individual value, and self-worth.

And to be fair, some tried: “What if I told you that you can be a stay at home mom and not be that ridiculously ignored and pushed over?”

But then, some didn’t: “You know what century it is, right? You’re also aware you’re an adult, not a child, correct?” “That’s pathetic.” “I hope he doesn’t get violent or threatening with you. Honestly you described an abusive relationship.”

The OP was not persuaded. She was offended:

ok so everyone who commented on this thinking I didn’t know my worth or was a pushover, or heaven above thought my husband was in anyway abusive. STOP right there. I am more woman then I have ever been. I am the leader when it comes to this home. Most of the rules laid down in this home are mine. 90% of the ‘family discussions’ held in this house, go in my favour, because my husband see’s the wisdom of my council. I make daily decisions that affect our family. My husband would lie down in dirt & let me walk on him if I asked. If my husband ever laid a finger on me or our boys in aggression, I would walk away! I do not even tolerate aggression in my boys. None of you knew what ‘family matter’ we were discussing, I kept it private, because it’s none of your business. So how can you comment on my submission to him regarding it? What’s the best way to keep a husband, by making him want to come home, If I was a nagging harpy, and made him come home & do chores after his work day would he really want to? Don’t get me wrong, there are chores I refuse to do, like the car maintenance, lawns & some house maintenance. That’s not my job in my eyes. But do I have a slaves life? Not by a long shot.

he does make the decisions. I just put my 2 cents in all the time. At the end, he makes the choice on what we are going to do. If it goes in my favour, yahoo, if not, then I have to to accept. The ones I don’t consult him on are what groceries I buy, what we are having for dinner, where I go thought the day. If I decide to go down to a cafe for lunch with my toddler, then I go. Do I ring him and ask permission. Stoke me dead before I do.

Our home wasn’t always like this. I did work full time when I was younger. I was an employee in a resort. I ended up being at work 90% of my waking hours. Barely saw my husband, let alone my kids. How was our home back then? On the brink of divorce, the kids didn’t respect me, or the rules, there was fighting & then some. I was the dictator wife back then. It was my way or there’s the door. No one wanted to be around me.

I think all of you hung up on ‘submission’ have not been taught the biblical understanding of submission & are automatically thinking in terms of it being a negative implication. Lacey Nicole Buchanan we both know the proper answer for that & if your asking me to say that I am wrong after all. Sorry. My role is not limited to housework people. I use my free time to volunteer with elderly, teach in the community garden & just plain be nice. I don’t need to ‘have a paying job’ to contribute to society.

These responses are typical and cover most of the core beliefs of extreme complementarianism. (Note: Many complementarians are horrified by extreme complementarianism, and it isn’t fair to lump them all together. For the purpose of this post, “complementarianism” refers to extreme complementarianism.) From this example, egalitarians can learn the do’s and don’t’s of engaging in constructive conversation with complementarian women.

DON’T assume she has no say or authority. Complementarianism still gives lip service to women’s full equality and value, after all — separate but equal. To egalitarians, “no say” means “no final say” in a decision-making process. To them, “no say” would mean a husband never takes his wife’s opinions into consideration, which violates their Biblical mandate of husbands loving their wives. Because complementarian women stick to their defined roles, they do not consciously desire any more authority, and in fact, may enjoy that their husbands make the hard decisions and do the dirty work for the family. They take great pride and joy in being the queens of their homes and are often given free-reign over homemaking matters.

DON’T assume she did not choose this life. All the complementarian women I know willingly and eagerly chose the complementarian lifestyle for various reasons: it fits their quieter, more submissive personalities; it fits their husbands’ more assertive, leader-like personalities; it seems Biblical; it affirms their desire to be stay-at-home moms, wives, and homemakers; and it seems like a better alternative than secular feminism. In fact, some complementarian women will manipulate or pressure their husbands into fitting the mold of a complementarian “head of the household.”

DO affirm her desire to be a stay-at-home wife, mother, and homemaker. Complementarians are often unaware that Biblical egalitarianism exists, and believe there are only two options: secular feminism or complementarianism. They feel that secular feminism threatens femininity and looks down on their desire to be wives, mothers, and homemakers. Failing to validate and encourage those values is an immediate turnoff and offense. In their mind, it puts you squarely in the secular feminist camp.

DON’T assume there is no value in complementarian teaching. Complementarian women will often point to how complementarian teaching saved their marriages and strengthened their sense of self and their relationship with God. Since so many women embrace the complementarian lifestyle, there must be some strong draw for each woman. Find out what that is.

DON’T assume she’s questioning things deep down. Many complementarian women, even in the most extreme cases, feel content with their lives and see nothing wrong with their beliefs. Even if she is questioning, she might not be conscious of it. Calling out complementarianism as disgusting, wrong, unjust — any moral judgment — will rarely be considered as anything but persecution. Complementarians do not evaluate beliefs based on their goodness; they evaluate them based on their “Biblical correctness.” They do not know how to evaluate their beliefs in light of morality, justice, and sexism, so don’t ask them to.

DON’T assume her husband is abusive. Complementarianism entraps men just as much women. Good, conscientious men follow along with complementarian beliefs because they believe it’s right, true, and Biblical, while still loving and serving their wives.

DON’T suggest her husband is abusive. Complementarian women are charged with upholding their husbands’ name, and will backpedal on any complaints about their husbands’ actions when cornered with an accusation of abuse. Plus, many women in general, regardless of gender equality beliefs, are unaware of what constitutes abuse and will not recognize it. An accusation of abuse is offensive and an immediate shutdown to the conversation.

DO affirm her desire to submit to her husband. I love emphasizing that Biblical egalitarianism involves the wife’s radical submission to her husband…it just involves the husband’s radical submission too! That would have blown my complementarian mind. Secular feminists don’t argue for the wife’s submission, so affirming her desire to submit to her husband introduces her to an alternative theory: Biblical egalitarianism.

DON’T assume she’s uneducated or unintelligent. Complementarian women earn degrees (or rather, have earned degrees before becoming complementarian), love learning, and are often eloquent teachers. They often care deeply about Scripture, culture, and theology.

DO ask questions. They know all the talking points. They are unable to see the injustice of a “separate but equal” stance on gender. They can’t see the limitations and abuses of their own ideology, even when it hurts them. Since they think they’re unequivocally right, they will put you on the offensive, almost always assuming that you just don’t understand them or Scripture, even if you’re a former complementarian. Complementarians are also discouraged from considering any other viewpoint. If you try advancing an egalitarian argument, no matter how solid or convincing, it will most likely fall on deaf ears. Rather than arguing, respectfully poke holes in complementarian inconsistencies. (There are plenty of them.) It feels less threatening and requires more thought to answer specific questions than to rattle off the talking points.

DO affirm her desire to uphold Scripture. Complementarians are 100% convinced Scripture supports complementarianism and nothing else. Anything else is liberal, heretical, and worldly. If they suspect you of any of those three, they will shut down. It’s important to emphasize the Biblical part of Biblical egalitarianism.

DON’T expect anything to change from your conversation. Complementarianism controls everything about a woman — her future, her wardrobe, her relationships, her sex life, her spirituality, her sense of self, and everything else. Even considering egalitarianism requires a massive overhaul of her entire life. It’s a scary, messy process fraught with much heartache and rejection.

Remember: person over ideas. Don’t drag a woman down because you want to take a pot shot at a hurtful ideology. It’s more important that she achieve wholeness than that you make your point. Seek to understand her on her own grounds, with her own terminology, and from her own perspective. While there are many similarities among extreme complementarian women, each woman has her own story and her own explanations, and she deserves a fair hearing before you even consider criticizing.

What are some ways of creating better dialogue with extreme complementarians and complementarians in general? I’d love to hear your thoughts and experiences!

Talking About Sex with Your Fiancé

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Conventional purity culture wisdom is not talking about sex with your fiancé until the week before the wedding at the earliest. In fact, don’t even research sex on your own until close to the wedding. You won’t be able to handle it.

I think that’s well-meaning and ridiculous.

When I got engaged, I joined a Facebook group for engaged and newlywed women — one of the best things that ever happened for my marriage. We talked about sex a lot, and as we all grew up in the purity culture, we all struggled with feeling shame, embarrassment, and guilt about our sexual desires. I was shocked to discover that countless Christian women struggle with sex in marriage because of the purity culture’s negativity towards sex.

In extreme but all too common cases, some women develop vaginismus, a mostly psychological condition where the vagina contracts, making penetration impossible or extremely difficult. It can take years of physical therapy and counseling to even allow for sex. For the rest us, we just battle against feeling like sluts or missing a sense of joy and freedom in our sex lives. Sex is such a mental game for women, I’ve found, and when we’re feeling dirty, guilty, and even just embarrassed about sex, the desire for it drys up.

The thought of chronic pain, vaginismus, or guilty sex sounded awful to me. It couldn’t be healthy to view sex this way, and it seemed far too coincidental that many women in conservative religions developed this unhealthy thinking. I was determined to block such a residual negativity from my bedroom.

So I broke the purity culture rules and talked to Erich about our future sex life. There didn’t seem to be a good reason not to. We’d already discussed every other detail of our lives. Sex is a crucial component to a happy marriage. Sex is a good, beautiful, and intimate thing — not something to be shunted away and hidden from the person with whom you’re intimate. I wanted to work out our expectations for sex before marriage and well before the wedding night, particularly because I was so nervous and embarrassed about sex.

In order to talk about sexual issues intelligently, I researched. I spent hours on the Marriage Bed and its forums. I Googled random questions. I studied up on condom brands and alternative barrier methods. I shared my fears and more particular questions with my Facebook group. I talked about it with my married friends (newlyweds and long-timers), and even my single friends. I wanted to bring sex out in the open as a valid, good thing to learn about, talk about, and care about. I wanted to take the shame out of sex.

Then Erich and I talked about it, at first awkwardly. We used technical terms — sex, penis, vagina, etc. — not euphemisms, because there is no shame in body parts or the actions those body parts can perform. And we asked each other questions about our future sex life. What birth control/barrier method should we use? What brand of condom? How often do you expect sex? How do you feel about this or that kind of sex? Is there something you would refuse to do? And the most relieving question — are you as nervous about sex as I am? Well before the wedding night, we shared our fears, excitement, and questions about sex with each other.

The uneasy/embarrassed/slutty feelings? They eased up significantly after talking with my fiancé in particular and with others in general.

I can’t imagine going into the wedding night without having researched, talked about, and made peace with sex. Erich and I never felt tempted to jump into bed during these conversations. Honestly, the more open Erich and I were about sex and the less of a big deal we made out of remaining pure for marriage, the easier it was to cool our sex drives and save up our excitement for after the I dos. I have no regrets.

When did you talk about sex with your fiancé?

// Speaking of sex…plus another article challenging the status quo

Yoga in Random Places

Two things: I’m in love with yoga, and I’m still at that point in my relationship where I feel the need to be with Erich 24/7. The result? I end up doing yoga in random places.

In bed

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In the backyard

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In the garden

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On the dining room floor

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Together on the carpet

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Now, I didn’t post this for you to scroll through and coo at the babies in the GIF. Get out to a random place and do some yoga!

Where do you like to stretch?

P.S. For inspiration, see Erich and me failing at flexibility, and check out my Pinterest board for all my random workouts I never do.

PC: So Much Yoga, PopSugar, Mind Body Green, My Modern Met

Complementarians Don’t Believe in “Women’s Work”

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In complementarian churches, there is nothing a woman can do that a man is prohibited from doing, while there are a myriad of things men can do that women are prohibited from doing. That is the injustice egalitarians want to rectify.

I’m being controversial again. Jory Micah, a powerful voice for women’s equality in the church, published my post about how complementarians don’t really believe in “women’s work.” Let me know what you think!

// An egalitarian take on women’s work and another thought-provoking guest post

Weekend Update

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Erich and I are taking a much-needed break from life next week — we’re finally going on our honeymoon! I’m unplugging all next week and over the Fourth of July weekend, so no Ezer posts during that time.

Also: Because we’ll (hopefully) be moving into our apartment sometime in early July and because I’m getting ready to teach kindergarten this fall, the number of Ezer posts might drop from five a week to two or three a week. I’ll see how my schedule shakes out.

But stick around until July! Stay tuned for wedding photos, an apartment tour, and a sneak peek into my teaching prep.

PC: Our sparkler sendoff, by Elena Marie’s Photography

More on Women and Dirty Work

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My mom read aloud Raising Maidens of Virtue by Stacy McDonald to my sisters and me when we were growing up. I don’t remember much of it, other than the comfort of snuggling up to my mom as she read aloud, the beautiful watercolor illustrations, and the funny, relatable stories of home life. The only chapter I can recall is the one describing femininity as soft, beautiful, nice-smelling, and pastel.

That was my technical, working definition of femininity: soft, beautiful, nice-smelling, and pastel. True femininity required proper hygiene, long, flowing skirts, lavender scents, and nicely-done hair and makeup. This no doubt fed into my assumption that women could avoid hard, dirty work on the grounds of their gender. “Lady” was equivalent to “woman”; “lady-like” equivalent to “godly” and “Biblical.”

I love soft, beautiful, nice-smelling, and pastel things. With my pastel pink wedding reception, obsession over Modcloth, and penchant for doing my makeup just for fun, I definitely consider myself a girly-girl.

But I don’t believe that soft, beautiful, nice-smelling, and pastel is the definition of femininity. I don’t believe it’s even a requirement of femininity. Femininity, to me, means “related to what is female.” Each particular woman defines what femininity means for herself, and because every woman is different and because a woman’s body and personality is multifaceted and versatile, femininity in an external form can look like anything from combat boots to high heels.

Women have beautiful bodies, no doubt. Estrogen makes our skin soft; our curves provide warm, snuggly places for nursing babies; we rock stilettos and V-backs and mermaid dresses. Women have strong bodies, too. We birth those babies, after all. We run marathons, perform pointe ballet eight performances a week, and join the army.

I would love to start calling those things feminine, too — the blood and guts, rough and tumble, muscular and strong things about our bodies. With that in mind, here are some feminine things I love:

An army master sergeant, Deshauna Barber, took home the Miss USA title — and she’s awesome. What a perfect combination of beauty, brains, and beast strength! I can’t get enough of this quote:

https://twitter.com/DCHomos/status/739633683334762496The hot dog girl makes me laugh.

http://twitter.com/turnerbrandon/status/738366132382490624/photo/1A period commercial with actual blood.


Cup of Jo’s beauty uniform interviews are my favorite.

Speaking of insane things your body can do…ballerinas in the city blew my mind.

Let me know what your favorite feminine thing is, and enjoy your weekend!

Loft Apartments

Let me tell you a sob story.

Erich and I found the perfect apartment, our dream apartment…and we made too much money to rent it. Due to the affordable housing program in Milwaukee, my tiny teacher’s paycheck almost over-qualified us, and Erich’s chemistry paycheck made it impossible to apply. We joked about him staying home all year and mowing lawns for a living, but no, obviously, no.

While we made too much money for the subsidized apartments, we make too little money to afford the same style apartments at market price. Ah, the plight of post-grads! To assuage my wounded heart, I’m going to share with you my favorite apartment style — lofts in old factories!

All around downtown Milwaukee and elsewhere in the western world, companies are renovating 1900’s factories into loft-style apartments. On the outside, the apartment complexes still look like the original factories, brick, logos, and all. They’re even named after the original factories: Knitting Factory Lofts, Paper Box Lofts, Boiler Factory Lofts, etc.

esser lofts

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Loft-styles are open — unique layouts, tall ceilings, and lots of breathing room. These factory loft-styles still include original brick walls, uncovered pipes, unfinished concrete floors, and random pillars and hardware, lending itself to a modern decorating style.

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berry street lofts
cigar lofts
boiler lofts
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Did I mention these are my dream apartments? Maybe I’ll make Erich quit his job, after all….

Would you live in a factory loft?

// How I would decorate my dream apartment and my favorite statement walls

PC: Kunzelmann-Esser Lofts (Milwaukee, WI), Candy Factory Lofts (Toronto), Soda Factory Lofts (Williamsburg, NY), Watch Factory Lofts (Waltham, MA), Soda Factory Lofts, Cigar Factory Lofts (Oakland, CA), Boiler Factory Lofts (Toronto), private home (Finedon, UK), Soap Factory (Tribeca, NY)

No More Wimpy Woman

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In my Christian community, marriage meant wives stayed home while the husbands took home the bacon. If a woman felt slighted or discomfited by her role as a homemaker-only, patriarchal apologists pointed back to the curse: “Men received the curse of toiling in the fields. Women received the curse of pain in childbirth. Why would you want the double-curse of childbirth pain and working?”

Leaving aside the terrible theology and exegesis of that claim, this idea made for some pretty entitled women. I frequently heard of the relief of new wives finally getting to quit their jobs once they married, now that their husbands provided for them. They lauded the pleasures of having their husbands make hard decisions for them so that they didn’t have to worry about them. They enjoyed having doors opened for them, their seats pulled out and pushed in, their bags carried, etc. Men took out the trash, mowed the lawn, fixed the broken appliances, and did the dirty, hard things of life that women were too weak (or lazy) to do.

I am one such entitled woman. My father is an excellent, hardworking man. He would fill up my car with gas, take care of finances, run errands, and fix whatever I broke without me asking. I never took out the trash, mowed the lawn, fixed a broken doorknob, or checked my car oil. My dad mediated much of the stress of life for me as I transitioned into adulthood. And I’m not going to lie — I miss my dad’s mediation between me and the hard, dirty, frustrating things of life.

One of the things I miss the most is my dad’s legendary insistence that he drive. I hate driving in the city, whether it’s a tiny college town or a metropolitan area, but particularly a metropolitan area. Erich hates driving in the city. In both of our families, our dads do the driving. I grew up expecting my future husband to slay the dragon of city-driving for me. But here I am, married to a man with a hatred of city-driving that probably surpasses mine.

Erich and I just spent the entirety of yesterday visiting apartments, driving a car without air conditioning in the boiling summer sun, in the craziest traffic, and in some sketchy parts of the city. We were sweaty, cranky, discouraged, and exhausted. And we never wanted to venture into the city again.

As we lay in bed recovering from the insanity that was yesterday, Erich said, “Can you please drive tomorrow?” I said yes, but only because I loved him and knew it was only fair for me to shoulder an equal portion of that stress. And as I lay in bed dreading the coming apartment hunt and city driving of tomorrow, I thought about all the things I’ve had to do in my egalitarian marriage.

I work hard to provide for us. I take out the trash. I carry heavy boxes when we move and fit seven grocery bags over each arm after shopping. I troubleshoot my numerous car problems. I handle the finances. Erich expects me to know self-defense and city smarts to protect myself when he’s not around. He wants me to play hard and get dirty. He can’t/won’t solve all my problems or do all the things I don’t want to do. We make our decisions together. Neither one of us gets to quit and leave the other person to handle the hard things alone. We’re in this together.

That sounds cute: “We’re in this together.” But it’s hard. Life is hard, and yes, it feels like a curse sometimes. There have been numerous times when I’ve wanted to throw in the towel and say, “Erich, you make this decision. You do this thing. You drive the car. I can’t handle this anymore.”

But that’s not my natural feminine weakness demonstrating the God-given order of male leadership and relieved female submission. That’s my lazy, frustrated, quitter side popping up to remind me that I’m not perfect and I’ve got plenty of growing up left to do. That’s not femininity. That’s being a pansy.

In my egalitarian marriage, our union isn’t about Erich doing the hard things and slaying the dragons for me. We do the hard things together. We slay the dragons together. We lift each other up when the other one falls (or sits down and throws a tantrum). And I’m growing in my character because of it. Hard work is a good, needed thing in my life. As much as I hate it, it needs to be done.

I can’t play the gender trump card to get out of growing up and getting dirty, because I am a woman, made in the image of a strong God. Because I am a woman, a human, an ezer, a strength equal to my man, I can endure, conquer, and get over myself. City driving, here I come.

// More on egalitarian marriage and coming out egalitarian

Family Hugs

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Erich comes from a large extended family: sixteen siblings (his grandma and great aunts and uncles), their children (his mom and her cousins), their children’s children (he and his brothers and cousins), and now the spouses of those children (me!). This past weekend, we got together with that side of the family for the first time since our marriage.

We were greeted with many congratulations, and then this phenomenon occurred: they would pump Erich’s arm, then turn to me. “Okay, this is a hand-shaking family,” I thought, and stuck out my hand. They ignored it and went for the bear hug. It cracked me up: every single time, they shook Erich’s hand, the guy they’ve known since he wore diapers, and hugged me, the newbie.

From a couple conversations with other people, it seems that it’s typical to give handshakes to guys and hugs to girls. Who knew? To me, hand shaking was for formal relationships, hugging for family and friends. I tend to hug everybody, regardless of gender, and the guys I know go in for the hug too. I come from a family who hugs or gives one of those “manly handshake hugs” — you know, the firm clasp that pulls in for the hug and a couple slaps on the back. The only person in my family who I don’t hug is my sister who hates hugs. I’ve started giving her fist bumps instead.

Have you witnessed this handshake for guys, hugs for girls phenomenon? What is your family’s “hug-style”?

// We’re still searching for an apartment, a stressful situation which is requiring more intentional love than I expected!

Someone to Talk To

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Instead of putting together a bunch of different things to talk about, I want to give you some suggestions of people you ought to talk to this weekend!

Skype an internet friend. A couple weeks ago, I connected with Ashley (Schnarr) Easter, a fellow egalitarian and Christian feminist and a former stay-at-home daughter. Back in the day, we both wrote for the same website, Raising Homemakers, and knew of each other and our blogs, but it wasn’t until after we both came out as egalitarians that we found each other again and celebrated our newfound freedom! I loved hearing her story and talking with someone who’s gone through the same thought processes, the same coming out, the same shame, and the same freedom. Sometimes I feel isolated and misunderstood because of my past beliefs (“What’s a stay-at-home daughter? People actually believe that stuff?!”), so it was encouraging to connect with someone who knew exactly where I was coming from and where I was going.

Ask a bride. It’s wedding season! I enjoyed catching up with one of my brides-to-be and hearing all her plans and excitement. The squeals and giggles and happy freaking out are a sure pick-me-up for a any day! Eight days until she’s married!

Connect with a sibling. Now that the four oldest siblings are out of the house, it’s hard to stay connected with them. I finally called my older brother for the first time in ages, and we had an amazing heart to heart talk. I’m also excited to get to know his girlfriend — another conversation I need to have!

Call your out-of-state friends. Now that I’m graduated and moving back to Wisconsin, I’m making a more concerted effort at reconnecting with my old girlfriends. The other day, I Skyped my bridesmaid and childhood best friend, who’s now married and the mother of the cutest baby boy. It was fun juggling our conversation around the baby’s giggles and screams — just another reminder that we all somehow made it to adulthood.

Plan regular Google Hangouts with your college roommates. My two roomies moved to Omaha, NE and Brooklyn, NY. I’m hoping to visit the Omaha Zoo again (I grew up near Omaha) and to take a weekend vacation to New York, but until those in-person dates happen, we’re scheduling almost-weekly Google Hangouts. There’s so much to talk about since we’ve graduated, married, started new jobs, rented apartments, and all that jazz.

Enjoy your weekend! Erich and I are moving to Milwaukee today and starting our apartment hunt in earnest tomorrow. What are you doing for the weekend? Did you connect or reconnect with someone special? I’d love to know!

// Really digging these chevron walls and loved writing about my marriage habits!