#ezerspeak: On Wives’ Submission


One of my biggest hopes in creating an egalitarian community is getting practical advice for egalitarian relationships. I’m in week four of marriage, so I’m particularly excited for this!

Let’s chat about submission. We know that Ephesians 5 teaches mutual submission, but how does an egalitarian woman apply this in real life? How does she practice mutual submission with a selfish husband, or a complementarian husband? How do you deal with fear that he’ll take advantage of your self-sacrifice and/or fail to submit to you too? What happens if you can’t agree?

I’ll pop back in later this week with my own thoughts. In the meantime, have at it in the comments with questions, answers, stories, and whatever crosses your mind! (While I appreciate all feedback, please only comment from an egalitarian viewpoint for this post — thanks!)

5 thoughts on “#ezerspeak: On Wives’ Submission

  1. Erin S.

    I have some thoughts but I’m going to hold off just this minute on sharing them so I think through them a bit in order to be able to share them more clearly and concisely :)


  2. Jasmine Ruigrok

    I’m interested in this discussion, but since I don’t go by any label, I’m not sure if what I say would be anti-egalitarian or not, so I shall observe with much curiosity and popcorn.


  3. Korie

    I feel like the question you posed (“How does one practice mutual submission?”) is impossible to answer. One cannot, on her own, practice mutual submission. By definition, it requires two to achieve. So, really, “How can one practice respect and submission with someone who isn’t also practicing respect and submission?” is the question in question. I think the answer lies in respecting oneself and setting boundaries. To desire mutual respect means that you also respect and value yourself.

    That’s my theoretical answer, at least.

    In practice, my husband and I both desire to submit to one another. One thing we do that I find very helpful is we avoid certain language. For example, instead of saying, “Husband, can you watch the baby?” Or, “Can you change his diaper for me?” We say, “lead parent.” We both take turns being lead parent. In our relationship, sometimes I feel bossy because my personality type is very organized and detail oriented. We started to say that I am in charge of the schedule. Telling my husband what we’re doing or what he needs to do isn’t belittling him. As the in-house “schedule master,” my responsibility is to manage tasks.

    I’m thankful to have a husband that’s willing to mutually submit with me!


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